Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
