Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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