so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
