FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
