cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
