she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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