I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
