Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
