she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Send help, water and tortillas.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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