i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The uberlube is also flammable
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
