"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...