I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.