this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
