Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
