Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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