i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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