I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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