went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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