I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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