i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
