Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
