I'm lost and stupid without you.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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