I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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