New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
