Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
