Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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