You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize