I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
