end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
