I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
