the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
