I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
