if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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