My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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