My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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