my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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