Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.