$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
