Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
