I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The ass gains better be worth it
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