I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
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Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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