I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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