Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
