sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
