Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
