im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
