well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
