Duck Duck Cougar?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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