my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
