I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
