if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
