if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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