u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
