he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
