fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
