Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Couch. On fire.
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