New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The air taste purple.
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