I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.