Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life