I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT