I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We left an ass print on the piano.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher