I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's shark week go big or go home
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
